A Few Good Senior Moments

1
An elderly gentleman...... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% .

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

2
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

3
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

4
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'


5
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure..'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..

She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'


6
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

7
Three old guys are out walking.. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

8
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor .

'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty..'

9
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check-up.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

10
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

从蕹菜到酱料

掀开马华的党史，硝烟多过祥云，斗争多过和谐。这或许是马华拥有的四个高官爵位的紧箍咒在暗中发生作用吧！

号称堂堂为华裔争取应得政益的政党，竟然沦落到是非不清，思路不明的政党。二千多名中央代表，通过一人一票选出代表六百万华裔的领导人，居然在任期不满一年内，又被2307名中央代表否决了他们的领导权威，这不能不说是一个大讽刺。

如今马华双十特大已作出了决定，翁蔡必须一齐走，留下一片疑云，接下来是怎样的结局，还得等待下回分解。现在妄下结论，未免太早。可是依照马华的党章，中委会与会长理事会将在下一周的会议后，才会有一个明确的答案。

在召开特大期间，马华四个副总会长，即：江作汉、廖中莱、黄燕燕医生及魏家祥博士，尤其是前马华妇女组主席黄燕燕，总是三缄其口，很少为翁总站台，也不为蔡派背书。特大的成绩公布后，她在第一时间开口要从四个副总会长中选出总会长，并暗示江作汉可以顺势就位，廖中莱次之，形成江廖配。这样的顺序安排，能否获得中央代表和全体党员的认同吗？这样的安排可能会有人反对，至少我们己听到元老们开口质疑中央代表的合法性，也有人认为应该重新召开代表大会，重新选出崭新的中央领导层。

翁总去年10月18日中选为总会长时，曾经大言不惭要修改党章，使全体党员有票权直选出领导人，达到马华是以民主方式选出政治领导权的政党。可是，没想到蔡派因个人的隐私权爆光，引起道德理念与党领导起冲突，虽经过一轮的政治手腕选出担任党第二把交椅，可是居然有中央代表拥护他，这正是个人操守问题，也是马华党员素质与政治理念的大问题。支持蔡派的人马不认同领导的私生活不会使党誉受损，蔡的性丑闻不至于会间接或直接拖垮国阵的政政，更何况蔡还被首相委任为国阵的总协调。

去年十月马华党选后，出现了一道马来西亚地道菜色——马来风光“麻辣瓮菜”，如今“酱料”配套会端上马华餐桌吗？

在这次马华党争爆发后，一般上华社保留观望的态度，首相兼国阵主席纳吉也表明不插手，总盼望马华的内务应尽快理智了决，可是事到如今，翁蔡两人都走了，会不会因后续接班人的安排扶正人选出现另一轮的争议，导致纷争再起呢？让我们拭目以待。

西瓜倚大边

闽南语有一句话“西瓜倚大边”，这句话用在今天公布的诺贝尔和平奖，是最贴切不过。也见证了这号称世界权威奖项的真面目。

远在北欧的挪威諾貝爾委員會今天宣布，今年上任不到一年任期的美國總統奥巴馬因投入“非比尋常”的國際外交努力，不僅與回教世界對話，且致力推動一個沒有核武的世界，因此獲得今年的諾貝爾和平獎。

諾貝爾委員會“特別重視歐巴馬在打造無核武世界方面的遠見與努力”。委員會且指出，奥巴馬塑造出“國際政治的新氣象”。奥巴馬為美國第三位總統在任期內獲得諾貝爾和平獎，他此次從205個團體和個人中脫穎而出。

显而易见的，该委员会已为奥巴马获奖找出许多理由，大都是堂皇富丽的托词。问题是这些都只是奥巴马上任后，心想做的议程，只是他已说出口，但是还没有积极推行的政策。阿富汉停火、中东和平、世界无核扩散等等的计划还没有一样成为现实，奥巴马居然获奖，这也注定该委员会会遭人冷嘲热讽，受人争议不休！